Eric Northman

1x09 Plaisir D'Amour

[episode opens on Long Shadow attacking Sookie, and Ginger is screaming]

PAM: Ginger, enough!

ERIC: Thank you.

[Bill stakes Long Shadow, Long Shadow dies, Eric and Pam look at each other, and Ginger vomits]

ERIC: Humans. Honestly, Bill, I don't know what you see in them.

GINGER: [cleaning up Long Shadow's remains] How did I end up with you people? Jesus... mother Mary... I'm so sorry, Mama... I'm so sorry...

ERIC: When Ginger is finished, glamor her for me.

PAM: Are you sure? She's been glamored one too many times already. Who knows how much of her is left.

ERIC: It's either that or turn her. You want her?

PAM: Please. I'm not that desperate. Glamor it is.

ERIC: Excellent. [to Bill] Come. I'll buy you a blood. [gives Bill a TruBlood from the microwave]

BILL: Thank you.

ERIC: How do you stomach that stuff? Don't you find it metallic and vile?

BILL: I don't think about it. It's sustenance, that's all. [Eric chuckles] What?

ERIC: Well, if you're their poster boy, the mainstreaming movement is in very deep trouble. "TruBlood... It keeps you alive, but it will bore you to death."

BILL: Let's cut to the chase, shall we?

ERIC: You killed a vampire, Bill. For a human. What are we gonna do about this?

BILL: What do you have in mind?

ERIC: I'll take the girl.

BILL: No. You can have anyone you want. Why do you want her?

ERIC: Why do you want her? You're not in love with her, are you?

BILL: Sookie must be protected.

ERIC: Now that sounds like an edict, but it couldn't be because I would know about that. Admit it. You love her.

BILL: If I hadn't done what I did, would you have let his disloyalty stand?

ERIC: Whatever I did to Long Shadow, I would not have done in front of witnesses, especially not vampire witnesses. Not smart, Bill. Not smart at all.

BILL: [answering his door] Eric. Pam.

ERIC: Bill, Chow. Chow, Bill.

CHOW: Nice to meet you.

PAM: Chow is Long Shadow's replacement.

BILL: Oh. I take it by your being here there was no way around it, then.

ERIC: I can't really say. Didn't exactly look into it.

[Pam laughs]

BILL: Tell me, do you enjoy it, living halfway up his backside the way you do?

PAM: Yes, it's nice. You should try it.

BILL: We're gonna have to stop by the bar where Sookie works first. She needs to know that I'll be gone. Don't forget how this started. She came to Fangtasia to help you.

ERIC: Fine. Go to the bar.

PAM: Might be smart to check out the competition.

ERIC: Yes, indeed.

CHOW: What's your game?

BILL: Excuse me?

CHOW: You were playing Wii. What's your game?

BILL: Golf.

CHOW: What's your best score on Pebble Beach?

BILL: 7 under.

CHOW: Mine's 11 under.

BILL: I liked Long Shadow better.

[Bill, Eric, Pam, and Chow enter Merlotte's]

SOOKIE: Bill! What's going on?

ERIC: Wow. This place is even more depressing than I thought it'd be.

SOOKIE: What are they doing here?

BILL: Just give me a minute, and then we'll talk. Where's Sam?

SOOKIE: I don't know. Why?

TARA: He's in his office.

BILL: [to Eric] Try to behave yourself.

ERIC: Don't I always?

[scene with Bill talking to Sam, then back to the bar]

ERIC: So simply present this card at the door when you get to Fangtasia. The first round is on me.

PAM: Also, Thursdays are ladies' night, so be sure to bring a date. That is, if you can get one.

REDNECK: [laughs] She got you.

[Pam starts to give a card to the redneck]

ERIC: Not him. He doesn't get one.

REDNECK: What gives, bro?

ERIC: What'd you do to your arm there... bro?

REDNECK: N-nothing.

ERIC: Hmmm? [Bill comes out] I take it your business here is done.

BILL: I came to talk to Sookie.

ERIC: I'll give you three minutes. I have a tribunal to get to.

SOOKIE: What?

BILL: Come with me.

ERIC: Oh, before I go, a word of advice. We know when a human has wronged us. We can smell it. So do not make the mistake of letting the pretty blond vampire lady on television make you feel too comfortable. We may not have retaliated... yet. But we know who you are. Have a nice night.

[outside, where Bill and Sookie are saying goodbye]

SOOKIE: You lied to me. You said that everything was gonna be okay, but it's not, is it?

BILL: I honestly don't know.

ERIC: Tick tock, Bill.

SOOKIE: Bill...

BILL: Just look after yourself, all right? I've asked Sam to watch over you.

SOOKIE: I wish you hadn't-a done that.

BILL: Be smart, Sookie, and just let him. There's still somebody out there who wants to kill you.

SOOKIE: Fine. I will.

BILL: Thank you.

ERIC: And time.

[Bill and Sookie kiss]

PAM: If I had any feelings, I'd have the chills right about now.

ERIC: Not me. Bill! Now.