Eric Northman

2x02 Keep This Party Going

[episode opens on Eric in the Fangtasia basement; he throws Royce's arm, and it hits Lafayette in the chest]

ERIC: [groans as blood drips from his mouth] If you have any silver on you, now would be the time to reveal it.

LAFAYETTE: No way. I ain't that stupid.

ERIC: Yes, you are. [wipes blood off his chin and pauses] Is there blood in my hair?

LAFAYETTE: What?

ERIC: Is there blood in my hair?

LAFAYETTE: I don't know. I can't see in this light.

ERIC: [crouches in front of Lafayette with vampire speed] How about now?

LAFAYETTE: Y-yeah, there's a little bit of blood in there, yeah.

ERIC: Ugh, this is bad. Pam's gonna kill me.

LAFAYETTE: Who the fuck is Pam?

ERIC: Why, do you want to meet her?

LAFAYETTE: No. No, I'm - I'm good.

ERIC: Well, you're going to. [unchains Lafayette and leads him out]

LAFAYETTE: Where're you taking me?

ERIC: To find out what you know. I wouldn't try anything rash if I were you. [kicks aside Royce's leg] I'm still hungry.

PAM: [trying to fix Eric's hair] This is a disaster. We'll have to go much shorter than I planned.

ERIC: Well, I said I was sorry, Pam. He took silver to me. [to Lafayette] You were there. You saw it. Defend me.

LAFAYETTE: I don't know what it is you wanna know, but point me in the direction, and I'll give it to you.

ERIC: I've seen your website. It's quite, um... low rent. But your clients miss you, Lafayette. They're wondering if you're ever coming back.

LAFAYETTE: Am I? [long pause] Look, I'm here because of the V, right? How 'bout I give you the names of everybody I ever sold to?

PAM: And all this time I thought prostitutes were good at keeping secrets.

LAFAYETTE: Oh, don't get it twisted, honeycomb. I'm a survivor first, a capitalist second, and a whole bunch of other shit after that, but a hooker dead last. So if I got even a Jew at an Al-Qaeda pep rally shot at getting my black ass up out this mother fucker, I'm taking it. Now what you wanna know?

ERIC: The vampire you had your little arrangement with, Eddie Fournier. What happened to him?

LAFAYETTE: Um, I don't know. I swear to God I don't. Last time I saw him, he was doing real good. But I think he may have been taken by somebody.

ERIC: By whom?

LAFAYETTE: I don't know. I mean, I ain't sure.

ERIC: Hmm. Well, that's not very forthcoming of you. Chow, you're up.

LAFAYETTE: No! Chill out. Shit! I think it... I think it was Jason Stackhouse.

ERIC: Jason Stackhouse.

PAM: Sookie's bror. Kunde vara kul? (Sookie's brother. Could be fun?)

ERIC: Hmm. Kul, men dumt. Sookie är alldeles för viktig för oss just nu. (Fun, yes. But also stupid. Sookie is too important to us.)

PAM: Det är sant. (That's true.)

ERIC: Sadly, this information is of no use to me. Not now, anyway. I understand dealers of vampire blood sometimes trade product with one another across state lines. Any buyers in the Dallas area?

LAFAYETTE: Yes. One. He never gave me his name, though. I have an email address - pussylover9 at shemail dot com.

ERIC: Hmm. A friend of mine in the Dallas area, his name is Godric, has gone missing. Now, while the circumstances of his disappearance are unclear, it stands to reason his blood would be very valuable, as he's over twice my age and ten times the vampire I will ever be.

PAM: Oh, Eric, you don't do humble well.

ERIC: I was not being humble. This happens to be true. [to Lafayette] Your associate, this... pussylover, has he or she mentioned any new product coming on the market?

LAFAYETTE: No. No. And I would tell you, you know that.

ERIC: Chow, take our guest and lock him back up, will you?

LAFAYETTE: Fuck that! I ain't going back down there! I gave you everything!

ERIC: [shouts] You gave me nothing!

LAFAYETTE: I'm not going back!

ERIC: Chow, now.

[Chow drags Lafayette out]

ERIC: Good evening, old sport.

BILL: [turns and sees Eric's short hair] Eric?

ERIC: It's the new me. You like?

BILL: I do. Very much.

WOMAN: [thinking they're gay] Oh... [laughs] Okay... Whoo! [leaves them]

ERIC: We need to talk.

BILL: I hadn't, but I know the vampire of whom you speak. His name is Godric, correct?

ERIC: Indeed. Now, it goes without saying he needs to be found... which is where Sookie comes in.

BILL: No.

ERIC: As she's yours, I'm asking your permission to take her with me to Dallas.

BILL: Eric, you can do whatever you want with me, but I am not putting her in this position anymore. I cannot and I will not allow you to bring her into these matters.

ERIC: We made a deal, your human and I, that if I didn't kill anyone, she would work for me as often as I like. You remember this, don't you? You were there.

BILL: Taking her across state lines is a far cry from taking her to Fangtasia for the evening!

ERIC: I'm only asking your permission out of respect. If I want her, I can simply take her. Is "no" your final answer?

BILL: It is.

ERIC: Poorly played, Bill.

CHOW: How much blood do you think he's lost?

PAM: Oh, I think he still has something to offer.

CHOW: I hate to let it all go to waste like this. Seems a shame we have to wait for Eric.

PAM: Well, maybe one day you'll be sheriff, and you can make the rules.

CHOW: I doubt that.

PAM: Me too.

ERIC: [enters] Sorry to keep you waiting for so long. How's the leg?

LAFAYETTE: Shitty. Thanks for asking.

ERIC: After all your proclamations about what a model prisoner you were going to be, you had to try to escape.

LAFAYETTE: You were gonna kill me anyway, right?

ERIC: Well, now you'll never know. So, what's it gonna be, Lafayette? Would you like the leg to kill you, or would you prefer us to do it?

LAFAYETTE: I'm gonna go with Plan C.

ERIC: There's a Plan C?

LAFAYETTE: Make me a vampire.

ERIC: I beg your pardon?

LAFAYETTE: You can put me to work in the bar. I'm a good dancer, you've seen it on my site. Shiiit, I'd get up there and move earth and heaven go-go style.

ERIC: You are aware there's a gaping hole in your leg. You're damaged goods.

LAFAYETTE: Not if you turn me. I'll be good as ever. Look, I'm already a person of poor moral character, so I'd hit the ground running. And I damn near glamor people already. Give me what y'all got, and it's on me, cracker. Not only will I be a bad-ass vampire, but I'll be your badass vampire.

ERIC: Interesting.

LAFAYETTE: Yeah.

ERIC: I'll take it under advisement. Pam? Chow? Chow time.

[all three vampires bite Lafayette]