Eric Northman

2x12 Beyond Here Lies Nothin'

[Eric is playing Yahtzee with Sophie-Anne, Ludis, and Hadley]

ERIC: How long does this game go on for?

SOPHIE-ANNE: We play to five million.

HADLEY: She's way ahead.

SOPHIE-ANNE: It's pure luck. Yahtzee is the most egalitarian game in the world. You could be my social, physical, or intellectual inferior, but your chances are equal to mine. It's the perfect antidote for this world, where things such as superiority and inferiority do matter. Oh, speaking of which, I heard about your maker. That blows.

ERIC: Thank you. Your majesty is very kind.

SOPHIE-ANNE: Yahtzee!

HADLEY: That's six in a row!

LUDIS: It is magic.

SOPHIE-ANNE: I do not cheat. What would be the point? [to Eric] I'm sorry, you were saying?

ERIC: I was just saying thank you, your majesty is very kind.

SOPHIE-ANNE: Oh, yes! Now I remember. Did you know that there's a maenad in Renard Parish?

ERIC: Yes, that is the reason I came to see you, your majesty.

SOPHIE-ANNE: I wouldn't get involved if I were you. Stick to what you're good at. I gave William Compton a few bits of hand-me-down folklore we've accumulated over the centuries, but who knows if it's gospel or gorilla shit. You know, I think he's monogamous with his human.

ERIC: He is in love with her, yes.

HADLEY: He is?

SOPHIE-ANNE: Well, of course he would be, with her. You probably are, too.

ERIC: I do not love humans.

SOPHIE-ANNE: She's not entirely human. Have you tasted her?

ERIC: Sadly, no.

SOPHIE-ANNE: Don't. Ever. One vampire falling in love is bad enough.

ERIC: Yes, Bill Compton certainly has a knack for finding trouble.

SOPHIE-ANNE: Hmm. For instance, how does he know I'm having you sell vampire blood? The guards hear everything.

ERIC: Your majesty, I'm sorry. There's no way he could--

SOPHIE-ANNE: That is really bad.

ERIC: He does not know that you are supplying it.

SOPHIE-ANNE: [lunges and pins Eric to the ground] He better not. I'm holding you responsible. [kisses him until his fangs pop] Ahhh, there they are. Aren't yours lovely? You may be the strongest, oldest vampire in my queendom, but if I wanted, I could own your fangs as earrings. Understand?

ERIC: I will take care of Bill Compton... personally.

LUDIS: [clears throat] Your turn to make Yahtzee.

[Sophie-Anne and Eric sit up, and Eric takes his turn with the dice]

SOPHIE-ANNE: You suck at this.